The Time Jaune Had To Find His Balls
by Mr IDONTKNOWWHATIMDOING
Summary: Team RWBY and Pyrrha go on a quest to find Jaune's testicles!
1. The Tale Of Barney Arc

Jaune's Missing Balls.

Pyrrha roughly shoved Jaune onto the warm embrace of Beacon's quilt beds.

She heaved herself over his quivering body, purring into his ear with a predatory growl.

Jaune gave a weak sort of chuckle in response, feeling his face grow hot and red.

As Pyrrha gently lowered herself onto her best friend, she bit his ear lovingly.

Jaune gave another weird sort of chuckle and murmured " Are you sure of this, Pyrrha?"

Pyrrha licked his face and said "Oh, i don't know. I better do it now, or who knows Beacon may get attacked by an army of Grimm, and i may get engaged in a huge battle up on Professor Ozpin's blown up office with an evil fire queen who just may happen to be named Cinder, where i will fight bravely with the support of millions of fans but to their despair lose in a gruesome and totally pull the rug from under the fans of a show that may be about us without our knowledge." She said nonchalantly with her head cocked.

"Wow," Jaune grinned under her weight, "that's pretty deep."

"Just like you will be in a few minutes" Pyrrha growled, and she started moving her hips.

What happened next was a blur of moans and a flurry of hasty movements.

Pyrrha's nimble hands swept to Jaune's pants and unbuckled his rather ugly belt.

So far, Jaune had been enjoying this way too much, groaning and moaning at Pyrrha's every touch. But he had harboured a deep secret, that no one else knew, a dark and evil curse that infected every generation of the male Arc, infesting itself in their soul, ruining their lives and crushing their hearts into bleeding shells of trash.

And pleasure and surrounded his brain and drove the thought of the Arc curse straight from his mind.

Pyrrha grinned as he slid her tongue across Jaune's quivering face, leaving trails of her delectable spit behind.

But then it happened.

To Jaune, it was almost like in slow motion.

She pulled down his zipper and shredded his jeans off, before hungrily getting rid of his underwear, only to see…

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**

"HA HA HA HA HA!" Yang Xiao Long chortled with all her might, her beautiful face going red and her arms slamming into the table, her body almost falling off the bench.

Her teammates looked at Jaune and Pyrrha with at least a little more understanding.

Pyrrha said in a disgruntled tone, "It isn't funny, it was bloody scary."

Jaune blushed furiously.

They were at the Beacon cafeteria in the middle of lunch, sitting at a table at the far corner of the gargantuan hall so as to avoid attention.

This was after all, a touchy subject.

"Yeah, Yang? This is a pretty serious matter…" Weiss chided at her blonde teammate.

"Really?" Yang said in a deep, mocking tone, "Well, i guess making fun of it is a ballsy move!"

And with that, she burst back into laughter, tears falling from her eyes.

"So, you just…." Blake murmured, addressing Pyrrha, "pulled off his underwear and saw…"

"Nothing." Pyrrha muttered as Jaune went redder than the reddest ruby. "Absolutely nothing. Just the sausage but no meatballs."

The non-laughing members of team RWBY from then on always regarded Jaune with a sense of disgust.

And the laughing member of team RWBY from then on always gave her best puns on the subject whenever it was brought up.

Pretty much bathed in shame, Jaune didn't dare to look up from his lap. Every one in the table thought of him as a joke.

Even Ruby. Sweet, innocent Ruby hated him.

Wait, really? Jaune wasn't sure, but he needed to find out. With a quick twitch, he swung his eyes up and found the leader of team RWBY.

To his joy, Ruby hardly seemed absorbed in the conversation, opting for a loving munch on a unnaturally large chocolate chip cookie.

She nibbled on the edges of it, and every few seconds gave a little squeak of happiness.

Jaune continued to sneak quick glances at the cookie nibbler, until the oak table shuddered, and flew up a few centimetres from the magically polished tiled floor, smacking him in the teeth.

Yang had risen up, cheeks drenched in tears, face redder than it had ever been before, chest heaving, and gave one last joke.

"Jaune, i've always said this, but now i mean it literally: Jaune Arc…" She gave a little hiccup, and resumed "GROW SOME BALLS!"

She seemingly passed out from ecstasy and crumpled back into her seat, her shoulder knocking with her sister's, who was sitting next to her.

This apparently took Ruby out of her cookie tasting dreamland, and right into the real world again.

Struggling to put together the scraps of information she had heard before, she concluded that Jaune had somehow lost his ball sack.

"Well Jaune, as a well meaning friend, if you want, i could always lend you my ball sack!"

A piercing shriek of laughter could be heard emanating from her sister, who fell to the floor twitching.

Weiss reached out and patted Ruby on the shoulder. "No no you dolt, we're not talking about a sack where you keep balls, we're talking about…" Weiss leaned in and whispered into Ruby's ears " testicles."

The team leader froze like a Windows operating system, and no word could be heard from her until the next hour.

Meanwhile, Blake continued to pound questions out relentlessly.

Shifting her gaze to Jaune, she enquired why he had no balls.

Jaune gave a sigh, and decided to tell the tale that had been told to him by his father, who had been told to by his father, who had been told to by his father, and vice versa.

"When i was little my Dad gave me the reason." He inhaled some more sweet oxygen, and noticed with some satisfaction that every functioning human being at the table was clinging on to his every word. " He said that long, long ago, the Arc family travelled across the world. Of course, this was ages ago, back in the early 22nd century." He took another breath, to his listener's annoyance. " The leader of our family at that time was a great man named Barnabas Arc. He had bedded every woman he had ever seen, with his smooth talk, smooth moves, and smooth silk suits. When he died, he had his way with at least 400 women from at least 6 continents and dozens of states. That's why i am so attractive!"

The rolled eyes of the girls in front of him went undetected.

"Fun fact, he died of a sexually transmitted disease…" Jaune was met with the impatient glares of his audience. Clearing his throat, he got back on track.

"Anyway, Barnabas, or Barney as he better known, was one day travelling the wide and exotic deserts of a long gone land, Mexico. There his brilliant sea grey eyes were greeting with the body of a beautiful woman. Barney went right up to her and said, 'Let's do it on that dune.' The woman smiled and led the way to said dune. But lo and behold, the woman was a witch! She cursed Barney with the worst curse of all!"

Weiss, Blake and Pyrrha each immediately thought they knew what it was.

Weiss cried "Eternal poorness?"

Blake cried " To have all your closest friends become enemies?"

Pyrrha cried " To fight an evil fire queen who just so may happen to be named Cinder, and regardless of the support of a million fans, get stabbed in the leg by a arrow and killed gruesomely and totally pulling the rug from under the fans of a show that just may be based on your life story?"

Everyone else turned to face her, eyebrow curved while Jaune screeched, "What is it with you and that?!"

Pyrrha shrugged, " It could happen."

Jaune cleared his throat once more, "No, the witch took away his ballsack from Barney and cursed him to have children who also had no ballsack, who would magically have more children with no ballsack, who would have-"

"We get it Jaune!" Pyrrha yelled. "So, is there anyway to break the curse?"

Jaune shook his head, making his messy blonde hair swirl.

His friends looked at him with extreme pity. But as they began to leave, Jaune suddenly gave a cry.

"WAIT! There is a way! Legend has it that if we can find that witch, and take her virginity, the curse would be lifted."

Ruby fell backwards onto the floor to join her now drooling sister.

Blake turned to face Jaune. " But to lift the curse, we would need a guy who has balls. Literally."

"Exactly!" Jaune said, but he paused. "Wait, you guys would help me?"

The 3 women roared 'yes' in unison.

Weiss put her long fingers together like she always does when she's thinking. "We just need to find a really dumb guy to bring along with us…"

Pyrrha smiled "I have an idea."

They continued to smile there until noticing the watching eyes of everyone in the hall, forcing them to move to another location.

…

( Editors Note: Please review, i really just did this for fun and i'd really like to know what you think of it. )


	2. Bang Bang Bangity Bang

"WHAT?"

Yang's tremulous voice was deadly, and her eyes flared a vibrant red for a fraction of a second.

The idea that this stupid quest to find Jaune's balls was going to happen was sinking in, and, for Yang, the subject had gone from a hilarity to a severe annoyance.

"Are you telling me, that we are dropping everything, and going on some stupid quest for Jaune's ballsack?"

"Um…" Jaune said, nervously scratching the back of his neck, "Yeah, this is kind of important."

"Important?" Yang hissed dangerously, causing the people in the room to blanch. No one, even the most hardcore of hunters or huntresses wanted to witness Yang losing her temper. And she was damn close to losing it now.

Ruby, Weiss, Blake, Yang, Jaune and Pyrrha were situated in an empty classroom, where Jaune had intended to discuss the details of their trip, but his plans were met by Yang's stubbornness.

"Important?" Yang repeated with more fury, "Important? You know what is important? Training! We have the Vytal Festival coming up! Why would anyone want to miss that?!"

Pyrrha perked up, "Oh you know, it might be carefully planned so that one of our friends who is unbeknownst to us is a robot, is killed and Yang is framed, and the school gets overrun with Grimm, and I may battle and evil fire queen who just may be called Cinder-"

"SHUT UP!" Her blonde hair rose up, lined with fire, her eyes a deep red, and an unmistakable tone of infuriation in her voice.

"Weiss!" Yang shot at her teammate, "what about studies? You won't want to disappoint your father, right?"

"Oh, father my foot, " Weiss cried daintily "What would i care what he thinks! All my life has been micromanaged by him, and now i get the change to let my hair down! To..to.." Weiss stuttered, like she was afraid of saying what was on her mind, but a swallow overrode that fear. "To hell with my father! I want adventure, i want fun, i don't want to be lonely anymore! Didn't you want adventure when you first came here Yang?"

As Yang paused to contemplate this, Ruby moaned at Weiss zealously.

"Awwww Weiss…thats nice of you to keep your teammates interests at heart. That's sweet!"

After this, they waited apprehensively for Yang's decision.

She stroked her perfectly animated chin, and after a while, looked up and ended the interim.

"Let's go find Jaune's balls."

A cheer echoed around the room, and Jaune clapped his hands together, and walked to a far corner of the room, to his desk, where he retrieved a battered and burnt paper scroll from under his heavily graffitied wooden desk, then went back to the group, unfurled the scroll and set it down on the nearby teacher's desk.

"So," Jaune declared, directing his index finger across the map, "This is a map made by Barney, to indicate where to find the witch. Its been updated by each generation of the Arc family. Here is where Mexico _was_ , it was once a country apparently, but now its the-"

"The Vacuo ocean…" Blake finished for him with a stutter.

An involuntary shudder visited each person in that room.

It was simple common sense that the Vacuo Ocean was a place no one wanted to sail through, for it was one of the few uncharted places in Remnant. Legends were passed around about unbelievably rough water spouts, sudden and violent cloudbursts and demonic monsters that swam in the waters.

While the storms were dismissed flippantly by experienced sailors as lies, no one denied the existence of the mountainous creatures that inhabited the area.

But as of now, no one in the group chose to ponder on the behemoths of the deep.

"Thats why no one from my family was able to break the curse. Sure once you get the island in the middle of it," he gestured to a poorly drawn oval in the Vacuo ocean, "Its easy, you just charm the witch. But getting to the island…" He paused for dramatic tension. "Now thats a biggie.

"Awww" Pyrrha said consolingly, "Its ok Jaune, we'll get a strong battleship with the newest eqipment and sail right to that island, get a guy to take that witch's virginity, and then we sail home and bang, alright?"

Ruby gave the tiniest of chokes at Pyrrha's blunt description of sex, a topic her sister long had learned to keep away from Ruby.

This however went unnoticed.

So far, Pyrrha had naively assumed that the curse could be lifted by any regular man, but Jaune corrected her that it had to be an Arc.

Pyrrha grinned and murmured seductively that it was alright, and that for luck, they needed to make sweet, sweet love right now, on the teacher's table.

Jaune humbly declined, but team RWBY's cheers egged him on, and he climbed on top of Pyrrha and began to undress her, while RWBY stood around them and clapped. When Pyrrha was fully nude, Jaune mounted her, and to his surprise, turned around to see the whole of Beacon prompting him. As he began to slide himself in, he saw Pyrrha's parents jumping up and down in jubilance, muttering to each other 'its about time a man had their way with her!'

Upbeat pop music played from an unseeable source, and he climaxed with the approval of the whole world.

He chuckled weakly to Pyrrha, brushing her hair from the sweaty forehead and saying, "Will you marry me?"

Pyrrha rolled them over in a way of saying yes, and the camera pulled away from them as the music reached the highest point and the falling confetti was illuminated by the loud crackling of fireworks in the distance.

Or at least, that's what happened in Jaune's mind.

In reality, Jaune didn't correct her that it needed to be an Arc that laid with the witch, and let on the group to believe that any bloke could do it.

It was a crucial detail he left out, but for a reason. He knew that if it was reveiled, Pyrrha would never help him with it.

Why would any girl help her boyfriend bang some old hag?

Jaune needed this detail to remain under the covers, at least for the time being.

And so, instead of telling the truth, he smiled and nodded his head, enquiring who would be the unlucky guy to steal the witch's virginity.

Pyrrha smiled back and walked out of the room, only to walk back in seconds later with a flustered but energetic Cardin Winchester, who had a childlike grin on his face.

Team RWBY immediately crossed their arms in offence.

"What is he doing here?" Weiss seethed to Pyrrha, "And why does he look like even more of an idiot than usual?"

She was right. Cardin's grin was certainly unsettling.

Pyrrha grinned too, but it was pained. "Only because of all the amazing sex he is going to get from all of us when this is over!"

"WHAT?!" Everyone exclaimed.

While Cardin nodded and stared at Yang's breasts, Pyrrha whispered "I just got to give him some lie to bring him along with us."

With his sightseeing complete ( for now ) Cardin looked up and drawled, "So, how are we getting across this ocean of terror?"

"I got a boat." Blake assured them.

…..

The 7 of them stood on the messy wooden jetty, in the blazing hot glare of the unrelenting Sun, infront of a well maintained, brutal looking battleship.

It was entirely composed of a naturally dark material, and was holstered with massive 17 caliber turrets along with an array of randomly fitted spikes on the hull.

Surrounding them was a busy harbour, chock full of shouting fisherman and muscular men.

Jaune's eyes wandered around the jet black with startling colbalt clue stripe paintjob, and the fearsome front mounted dual cannons.

"Wow, Blake, how did you get this ship?!"

Blake seemed oddly uncomfortable about the subject, grunting that she 'had friends' and pushed past the others with ears twiching to board the ship.

The rest of them sighed, and followed suit, some of them less excited than others, but nevertheless, none of them looked back.

"Oh yeah, this going to be awesome! Look at this place! I can't believe that you found a ship like this Blakie!" Gushed Yang as she walked up the plank, seeming lot more hyperactive and enthusiastic about the situation after Weiss's speech.

She threw her slender arms around Blake's neck, and continued to chat in her progressively annoyed teammate's spastic ear, until the Sun fell, permitting the Moon to float up into view and light up the inky sky.

With their fear and worries set aside, the crew of the dark ship steered it out of the harbour, and into open sea…

( Editor's Note : A follow up to a story is always hard, so i tried to make this chapter as decent as i could, but please review to tell me if the quality for this one has either risen or fallen. Thanks! )


	3. Secrets And Mysteries

The rolling sea unceasingly growled at the creaking hull of Blake's ship, slamming into the sides, threatening to collapse the structure and swallow it whole.

The dark clouds that hovered far above shuddered and shook, suddenly unleashing an intense burst of rain that shot like bullets onto the deck, forcing it's crew to run for cover.

Ruby scampered up the dripping steps to the control room, where the other 6 of the team was.

The water had breached her boots, soaked her socks and got everywhere else. It was Hell.

A very watery Hell, but Hell nonetheless. All the while, she considered it to be a fun trip, and it was to help Jaune too, not to mention Weiss really wanted to go.

But now, she doubted the amount of fun she had expected the quest to hold.

As she reached the door, Ruby desperately pushed it with all her might, and it gave way, water sloshing in the carpeted room, but not for long, as she slammed it behind her as fast as she opened it.

She began to apologise hurriedly, feeling the nice pattered carpet soak up the salty liquid beneath her feet, but she was cut off by Jaune's 'it's ok'. She looked up to him smiling, but then she gasped.

His naturally blonde hair was tousled and matted,dripping with water, as if he hadn't ever been bothered to neaten it, and yet, it looked tidy compared to the rest of him.

His clothes were stained and dripping, his sword hung precariously on his belt with out a sheath, one of his gauntlets were missing, and his breastplate was slung over his chest, one of the steps untied.

But his expression, however, was a polar opposite, with a broad grin and shining eyes.

He was standing behind a wide circular table that was bolted to the floor, and had Barney's map on it.

Beside him was the rest of the group.

While everyone mostly shared the same tired and worn look, Cardin had an eager, impatient look, his eyes constantly darting to Yang's breasts, Pyrrha's skirt, and vice versa.

At the corner of the room sat an electric heater whirring exuberantly, and from the room swung a powerful LED bulb that lit up every inch of the cramped room.

Casting a dubious glare at the merrily dangling lamp, Ruby walked her way to Weiss, who was fingering her left pocket tensely.

"What's that Weiss?" Ruby asked quietly, as Jaune began to speak animatedly.

"I'll tell you later." Weiss replied tersely.

"So!" Jaune beamed around the room "We have entered the Vacuo Ocean!"

A loud thunder clap accompanied a great bang, implying a massive wave had crashed against the hull. The ship groaned.

"We had no idea." frowned Yang with her arms crossed.

The room was well insulated from loud noises, but the roars of the outside had easily penetrated the walls.

Jaune sensed Yang's sarcasm, but did not let it falter his grin. "Its OK Yang, no need to worry, the boat can take it, right Blake?"

He waved a hand at the Faunus.

In a brief second, Ruby could see numerous cuts and bruises on his palm. What had he been doing?

Blake gave an affirmative and confident nod. "The boat has walls up to 10 inches thick, comprised of thick, heavy duty steel, more then enough to stop anyone one from escaping from the inside, and to seal their desperate cries, and their souls from the outside world." Her eyes glazed, as if her oddly specific reply had sparked old thoughts. Her right ear twitched. Painful thoughts. "Should be able to stop the storm." Her head drooped, and the swaying lamp cast her in shadow, leaving her yellow eyes to glow ominously like a cat's.

A particularly loud thunderclap caused Yang to grip her right arm. As the noise subsided, her left hand withdrew from her right arm, but Ruby noticed red marks on her sister's arm. Why Yang had gripped her right arm to tightly was foreign to her.

Jaune cleared his throat and continued his announcement. "As we are now in the Ocean," He gave a small, curt nod in Yang's direction. "We must consult Barney's map."

Pyrrha pointed her slender finger to 2 crudely drawn ovals near the illustration of the island. "What are those? Monsters? A clue?"

Jaune waved her suggestion away "That was just his drawing of boobs. What we need to focus on is now GETTING to the island, which means getting across the monsters. So everyone, get rest, and in the morning, be ready for anything." He gestured around the cramped room, where sleeping mats lay, and a door to the toilet stood.

For the past few 2 days, they had been forced to sleep in the top cabin, it being the only room on the entire ship, the remaining space being occupied by the cannons.

Proposals to sleep below in the hull of the ship were instantaneously denied by Blake, who warded anyone away, like a grumpy cat who refused to move.

So far no one had attempted to sneak down to see what Blake was so resiliently guarding, but that night, when the waves had mellowed, Yang's violet eyes could be seen scouring the room.

Loud snoring could be heard above the gentle hum of the heater, and the melody of the sea, but nothing could get Yang to sleep.

She loved Blake, maybe even more than as a friend, but her curiosity triumphed, and she wanted no secrets between to two of them. And also because of that _other_ thing…

Yang suddenly grasped her right arm, feeling the smooth skin under her fingers.

Making up her mind, she raised herself from her bed, and shook her hair, letting it spring into its usual perky appearance. She stretched her back, made sure Cardin was asleep, and slipped out of her pyjamas. Yang dressed in her usual attire and treaded cautiously to the door, and in a flash, she was gone.

Jaune tossed and tumbled in his bed in worry.

He loved Pyrrha, and could not afford to lose her.

Ever since his first year at Beacon, he had told his parents about her, and they seemed to really like her.

And recently, their relationship had gotten a lot more intimate. Like, a lot.

Closer then any male Arc had been to a woman in years. Decades.

Jaune tried to stop himself, not to get a big head and run away in fantasies, but he has been getting more and more dreams of him and Pyrrha. Getting married, getting kids, growing old. And now with how close he was to Barney's island, the dreams have been getting longer and more frequent.

He turned to Pyrrha, and immediately his heart melted. She made him fell loved, cared for, and special.

They shared a shimmering perfect connection. In his eyes, Pyrrha Nikos could do no wrong.

Over the past year, they had spend to much time together, sharing feelings and thoughts.

The each knew each other so well now, almost like they had the same brain.

That's why Jaune knew that Pyrrha would never support him if she knew he was the one to have intercourse with the witch.

But it weighed heavily on his heart.

Keeping this big of a secret from Pyrrha made him feel unbelievably guilty, like he cheated on her.

He couldn't even look her in the eye anymore.

Jaune watched Pyrrha mumble something in her sleep, and her face to grow a smile.

He hoped she hadn't noticed his awkwardness.

And yet, sometimes, he felt that she might actually except it. But could he risk it?

Could he risk telling Pyrrha?

His brain worked furiously, estimating the outcome of every possibility.

And finally, with he sigh, he decided not.

He grunted and turned away from his girlfriend, and feel into a nightmare.

Jaune was so caught up in his thoughts, he hardly noticed Yang sneak out, or Blake mutter in her slumber…

A flash of bright yellow appeared on the deck. With the silverly moonlight at it's back, a shadow was lit up, a mane of the same yellow hair bouncing on it's head.

The figure flipped open a satchel that was hung on it's belt, and retrieved a silver torchlight.

Creeping down to the hatch leading down to the mysterious hull, Yang switched on her torchlight and crept down.

Upon entering, her grip tightened, but not too much as to damage the vintage torch. Yang's fingers fondly held the torch, a present from her adventurous uncle Qrow.

It was her 13th birthday, she reminisced, and her uncle had given her that torch and said in that gravelly voice, 'You're a teenager now, kid. Take care of yourself, and you'll go far.'

He hadn't said much, but it was enough. Yang had held on to those words dearly, and repeated it to herself in times of sadness.

Brushing a single tear from her cheek, Yang ventured further down the seemingly never ending flight of stairs.

When it finally ended, it opened up to a vast U shaped hull. Behind her, darkness swallowed the hatch, as well as all sound.

At first glance, Yang couldn't see what Blake was so protective about. All that was revealed by her beam of light was wooden crates piled up at the front and back of ship.

There were lots of them, hundreds upon hundreds placed on top, beside and under each other in a random pattern, hinting at a hasty deposit.

The haunting silence nagged at her, encouraging her to leave, but something told her to stay behind.

Wandering to the nearest box, she pulled open the nailed cover with ease to peer inside.

It couldn't hurt right?

Wrong.

Yang gasped. Inside the box, on a layer of hay, was a bomb.

She backed away. This couldn't be right. No way. Blake wouldn't do that.

Checking the label on the side of the box, she recoiled. It read : Explosives.

As realisation dawned on her, she flashed light at all the other boxes too, all reading the same thing : Explosives.

Hundreds and hundreds of bombs, ready to blow sky high. Yang ran up the stairs, half not able to believe what she witnessed.

A pair of eyes followed her. A figure walked out from behind a stack of explosives, and held out a long sheath.

His lips thinned as he slowly pulled out a red blade from his sheath.

A few metres away, Yang stumbled on a stair, dropping the torch and grasping her hand in pain.

Nothing had touched it, and yet, severe discomfort shot through her right arm.

Behind her, she heard a soft chuckle.

Turning her head, her eyes widened as it spotted a man with a red blade.

Just like in her dream.

Her dream.

Part of the reason why she couldn't sleep.

Her dream, where a man wielding a red blade cut off her right arm.

( Editor's Note : Hey guys, thanks for the overwhelming support with the previous chapters. I tried something different this episode. Once again, tell me if you like the new writing style, or if you preferred the previous chapter's lighter mood. Cheers! )


	4. Water Combat

(WARNING:I've been told that this chapter is kind of a serious one.)

The 3rd night into the voyage was an important one.

In the cramped cabin about Blake's ship, snoring echoed and bounced about the corners and stained walls above the calming rumble of the sea.

It seemed that everyone was is deep, peaceful sleep.

It only seemed that way.

But, everyone aboard was wide awake, yet each was unaware of the other's state of awareness, and each was in intense thought.

Each was so caught up in their individual problems, that they failed to notice their surroundings.

Yang had gone down to the hull to check what Blake had been guarding.

Jaune had been tumbling around in his bed for hours, debating in his head whether or not to reveal to Pyrrha, the love of his life, the secret he had long kept to himself.

But at long last, with a great sigh, he looked at her, and decided to not tell her. It would remain a secret until the end.

It was painful, but necessary.

Running his eyes over her figure one last time, he turned away and prepared to sleep.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to him, his girlfriend was wide awake.

Pyrrha lay there, breathing slowly and steadily, trying to keep it together.

She tried to forget it, but it kept resurfacing every few seconds like an annoying animal, rebounding everywhere inside of her head.

As a role model for the standard teenage girl, Pyrrha felt extremely guilty for what she was doing.

For once in her life, she was putting life personal life before anything else.

At first, it felt exhilarating, but now…she was beginning to worry. After all this, what was her parents going to say?

And Beacon? Her leaving will undoubtedly leave a big stinking blot on her record, not to mention her grades.

And her parents? Will they ever take her back in the family after they find out what this quest was about? What kind of parent would support their daughter to bang some guy?

And her - wait. She was worrying too much.

She rolled over as quiet as she could, and observed her boyfriend's sleeping body.

It brought a smile to her face, erasing wrinkles of worry. It felt good. Promising herself to bring this up to Jaune in the morning, she prepared to sleep.

Next to her, Blake lay, belly up, legs straight, arms by her side.

Lying on this boat was an insult to her.

This boat was a gateway to her old life. Her life with the White Fang. A life she wanted gone.

It was a life of crime, and of murder. At the time, she saw it as justice, an act of bravery.

But now, her life was different. For the first time in a long time, she had friends, she had a school, she had a normal life.

Plus, she was really hitting it off with Sun.

But when she borrowed it from the White Fang, she told herself that she would not be tempted back into that kind of life.

Despite that, this boat was like a haunting reminder of her past existence. It insulted her.

Sitting up ever so slightly, she surveyed her friends.

She could not afford to lose them. Blake Belladonna was turning over a new leaf, and never going back.

…..

Yang cried out in pain. Her arm was killing her. She tried to hold it with her other hand. It seared white hot with pain.

Below her, the man slowly advanced on her, his sword by his side, glowing with sick anticipation.

Yang clumsily flailed her left hand for her torch, but the sleek aluminium case slipped past her fingers and rolled down towards him.

With a swift move, he brought down his blade, and split the torchlight in half.

Metal shredded and electronics fizzed, sparks rearing forth from the remains of Qrow's gift.

Yang winced. It felt like she lost a friend, not a tool. She remembered the memory of him giving it to her again, and it drew out a tear.

Stumbling up, she readied her gauntlets, changing them up, and letting the satisfying roll of her incendiary bullets greet her ears.

Her hair flared yellow with anger, her eyes that fearsome shade of red, and her hands balled into raging fists. But the man did not back down, and stared back at her like a panther stalking his prey. His twirled his glimmering katana in hand with a malicious smile.

A streak of unbearable pain heated her right arm again, sending Yang reeling back, stumping on the stairs.

Her arm throbbed. How was she going to win a fight with this disorder?

And a name crossed her mind. Adam. The man was Adam Tarus. She had no idea how she knew, but Adam gave her no time to consider.

He lunged at her abdomen with his sword, but Yang raised her left arm and deflected the blow with Ember Celica.

The force knocked her back into the railing of the stairs, and left a deep cut in the metal of her gauntlet. She tried loading the shotgun shells, but the mechanism whirred stubbornly, spitting sparks at her face.

It looked that her left gauntlet was down for the count.

Adam reared and backhanded her with the butt of his sword, sending Yang tumbling down the stairs.

Catching the edge of a stair, she flipped herself up to face him, and tasted blood in her mouth.

Loading her right gauntlet, the shells clicked in readiness, and the blonde warrior unloaded a burst of fire, the sound of bullets roaring proudly, fire and smoke obscuring her range of vision.

Adam bobbed and weaved, diverting and avoiding the bullets with ease, and striking Yang in the leg with his shoulder.

This time, however, Yang was ready. Uppercutting, her left knuckle buried themselves in his chin, shooting him in the air. Adam balanced himself, and pulled back, analysing her fighting style.

His opponent was weak, and he just needed to attack at the right place at the right time. He rounded his shoulders and prepared himself. He gone far and wide, studying fighting styles from monks, warriors and war veterans. Adam Tarus had made himself into a formidable opponent. He has not failed before, and he will not now.

Thrusting at her chest, he anticipated her dodge and and slammed her right arm and swept at her feet, forcing her to move back and lose focus at his upper body. Wasting no time, Adam ramming his head into her's, pushing her even further back.

Yang roared in anger and pain. Adam laughed softly. She was already losing her patience. Typical, he thought.

She punched left and right, only to feel yet another throb of agonising pain, which was this time, a lot worse.

Quickly, Yang realised that her foe had put her right arm out of commission with that slam. Great.

A blade whirled out of nowhere, relieving her of a clump of her hair.

Watching it fall to the ground, Yang gave a bellow of outrage, and bellow that could be heard all around the ship.

Ruby's eyes shot open.

And just when she had almost fallen asleep.

What was she thinking about before? She remembered it was something important.

It was on the verge of her mind, almost like a palpable thought. She pounded her brain to recollect what was on her mind just moments before.

But wait.

What woke her up in the first place.

She glanced around looking at her surroundings but only taking in one thing : Weiss.

Hovering her vision on the heir's white head, she gave a sigh of happiness. Almost nothing made her as happy as Weiss.

But recently, she had been acting…weird. Quiet. Ruby inched closer towards her, and wrapped her arms around Weiss's waist.

Resting her chin on her shoulder, Ruby felt a sweet feeling.

"Ah…what is it Ruby?" Weiss grunted, eyes still closed.

"Just wanna hug you…" Ruby said pleasantly.

The two teenage girls simply lay there, one clearly enjoying the hug, the other clearly not.

"Hey Weiss?"

"Yes Ruby?"

"What were you so worried about?"

"Ah…" Weiss said uneasily. "It's….something. I'll show you." Weiss's hand moved to her pocket, but then sharply withdrew. "Promise to not tell anyone about this Ruby?"

Ruby nodded persistently "Absolutely!"

Weiss still looked uneasy, but less, as if the young girl's words gave her some comfort. Reaching into her pocket, she withdrew a rectangular and slim object, a little rounded at the edges, and a beautiful, glittery space grey colour, with bright silver outlining the edges.

"What's that?" Ruby yelped quietly in amazement

"Shhhh" Weiss scolded "It's my new scroll."

"Must be expensive."

"It was."

"Oooooh! How much?"

"$10,000"

"What?!" Ruby gasped, a little louder than she had intended.

"Shut it you dolt!" Weiss cried, but she said it with a hint of sweetness. "It's why i felt to tense recently. I used my dad's credit card. He doesn't know i have it. I…" Weiss faltered. "I got angry, and…i just bought it. Another reason why i went on this trip. When my sister, Winter visits me at the Vytal Festival-"

"Your sister is coming to Beacon?!"

Weiss ignored her and continued "When Winter visits me…I can't bring myself to face her."

"Awww…" Ruby said soothingly "At least you have a nice phone."

A deafening howl erupted from the sea, pushing up the bow of the ship, gravity pulling the scroll from Weiss's hand, and crashing it into the wall with a heart wrenching CRACK of glass and metal.

Damn.

The 2 girl's eyes widened, but the wave woke everyone else up.

Jaune scrambled up, and ran out of the door.

Rushing to the bridge, he surveyed the state of things.

It wasn't good.

In front of him, was a gargantuan waterspout. A terrific grey column of water, spinning around at 800 miles per hour, grabbing everything in the vicinity and tearing it apart instantaneously.

The sea around it churned white, bubbles frothing and popping.

Jaune's face went white with disbelief. Then, he rushed to the wheel.

BANG

Yang was thrust into the metal wall of the ship, the only thing separating the cold, fathoms deep ocean from her, feeling the material absorb her like a sponge.

Adam pressed on, moving towards his target with shocking speed.

He raised his sword above his shoulder and swung down. In a flash, Yang quickly ducked, and heard the tormenting screech of metal as Adam's blade slashed across it, separating it like butter, and with such speed that the metal liquidised into steaming scrap. Water dashed in, cooling the metal and whamming into his chest, engulfing Yang's blazing hair, and swallowing Adam whole.

The water shook the deadly boxes about, and flooding the hull, pitching the ship almost instantly.

Close to death, Yang took immediate advantage of the distraction and struck a drowning Adam hard in the jaw, making him fly into the end of the room. With that, she quickly ran up to tell Jaune about some serious problems.

Upon reaching the deck, only more chaos presented itself.

This was not how Yang had envisioned the day.

…..

The Sun was beginning to rise, but it's rays could not penetrate the monstrous clouds that blocked the sky.

All the crew of Blake's warship saw was darkness. And water.

A torrent of hail crashed down hard on the desk, splintering wood and squeezing metal.

The cannons proved useless against the sea, and sank the ship faster.

Jaune spun the wheel hard, trying to avoid the powerful lure of the waterspout.

The tip of the ship and the spout were inches apart.

Centimeters.

Millimeters.

Jaune was spinning the wheel as hard as he could…

WHHHRKKKK!

In contact, the front of the ship went up in pieces, being shredded faster than the eyes could see.

Wood cracked and metal bent, submerging the damaged vessel deeper in the cold ocean.

Under deck, Adam lived.

His hand broke the surface of the water, desperately grabbing for anything, anything that could held him survive.

A box slammed into his face, and he flew into a wall.

His lungs screamed for air, and his jaw hurt. That girl could punch **hard**.

Tightening his grasp on his sword, he swam to the flight of stairs, vowing that he would kill that girl.

And this time, nothing would stop him.

( Editor's Note : Hey guys, thanks for reading! Once again, i tried something different, and had a fight scene. Any sort of review of today's chapter would be awesome. Thanks! UPDATE : Changed bit of the chapter to improve it. )


	5. That Sinking Feeling

That Sinking Feeling when your

vessel is beaten and bashed continuously by the merciless waves, and a figure surfaces from the hold.

That figure was Adam Tarus. He was an asshole.

A grin twisted itself onto Adam's face. He was going to kill everyone on this ship. It was going to be a hoot.

That is, if they survived the sinking of the ship.

But who could guess, that in 24 hours, he would go on a quest to have sexual intercourse with a 7000+ year old witch to get someone's balls back. If someone were to mention that to Adam right now, he would have probably relieved them of their ballsack. If they were a female, who knows what he would do.

The gap in the hull began to take in more and more water, tilting the boat at an angle, dipping the bow further in the churning sea.

Not good news, Jaune thought. Long since given up on the wheel - no matter how much he span it, it seemed completely useless - he had decided to alert the others on the only plan he had : to swim to land.

It seemed cruel and albeit impossible, but impossible suggestions appeared possible in the face of a water column of pure death.

He ran down the stairs leading to the deck, but the hairs on the back of his neck prickled. Danger.

Jaune ducked and turned just in time to see Adam swing his sword at his neck, and just in time to doge the lethal attack. Adam knew that his target won't be so lucky the next time, and so did his target.

Jaune back peddled as fast as he could, but the man's sword flashed crimson, and his breastplate fell cloven on the floor.

He only had a few seconds to register this, before his armour was swept away by sea, and a sharp pain in his chest revealed itself. Looking down, Jaune saw a big gash in his shirt, already soaked by blood. Ah crap. And then his world swirled and went black.

Run.

Run.

Run, run and run, was the only thing on Pyrrha's flustered mind. She had yet to find the others, and their absence worried her. Where the hell was Jaune? Or Weiss? Heck, where was any of them?

Fortunately, the answer presented itself instantly.

Pyrrha slammed right into Yang, both of them too concerned with finding the others they had not looked ahead.

"Oh my God, there you are Yang…"

"Bomb…bombs in the hold. And crazy killer dude too….crazy…" Yang moaned deliriously.

Her tone suggested possible alcohol, but the red head saw tangible fear in her widening violet eyes, and swallowed. If her friend wasn't lying, they were going to be in a lot more trouble then she had expected.

"HEY GUYS!"

Pyrrha twisted her neck and saw everyone else come rushing towards them, all equally soaked in rain and salty seawater.

Everyone, except Jaune…

She didn't have much time to think, for Adam came into the gang's plain of view.

Blake's heart stopped beating, and her face froze. Adam? What the hell was he doing here? And his sword…its got blood on it. Bad news.

And then it struck her. It was a trap! The bastard, she thought.

"Go ahead. Kill us then." Blake snarled, she took a few steps forward with her weapon drawn. But her actions proved futile, and Adam showed neither any sign of caution.

"Can't," He smiled "I got orders."

Orders? From who? This guy took lives, not orders.

"Orders from who?" Blake asked, squinting from the constant hail of water. Her friends stayed back, and just as well, they could escape if anything went horribly wrong.

Blake secretly wondered if Adam could hear anything she just said. He just stood there with that smirk. But then again, if he couldn't, who would blame him? The roar of the sea consuming her boat would smother the blare of a fog horn.

But another sound grew. A whirring, mechanical sound.

And from behind Adam, a giant helicopter rose ominously.

It was all black, and had windows deeply tinted, and the heavy machine guns and missiles and sat on the sides matched it well. It went without doubt that who over gave Adam his orders was in that monster of a helicopter.

"Get in." Adam grinned.

"What if we say no?" Yang growled. It was a hollow threat. She fought him down there, and nearly died if not for the rush of water. No way they could stop him, especially now with the copter hovering over the quickly sinking wreckage of the ship.

The ship shuddered and tilted even further into the water.

Adam continued to smile, but with a hint of menace in it. "If not…you'll sink with this boat. And you know the explosives we have in there. If you refuse, we'll blow you sky high. So…please…get in."

They had no choice. And so they complied.

Kindly escorted in, team RWBY and Pyrrha hobbled in, wet and cold, to find Jaune unconscious and huddled in a corner, as well as a woman and a man. The man had a sleek and leather bowler hat with a curiously coloured feather stuck in it, an expensive looking coat, and a cigar that burnt brightly in his mouth, despite the weather. A bejewelled hand lay resting on a metal walking stick with a red tipped end.

He had the look and feel of a con artist, but a dangerous one at that.

But the woman emitted a vibe of a very dangerous person. Mysterious, sly, and very dangerous.

She had long hair - not as long as mine, Yang thought proudly - that came down and lay on her shoulders, with a long but slightly revealing dress that was redder than blood, with gold designs on the sides.

"Hi." Cardin said to the woman once the helicopter rose into the air. The wind whipped at his hair, as the doors had not yet shut behind him. "How are you? You look hot. I'm Cardin."

He extended his hand with a sly, seductive wink. The woman looked unimpressed, and for a moment, apparently did nothing.

"Come on, don't leave me hanging!" Cardin's hand still remained in mid air.

And then the woman smiled, and walked up to him, closer and closer until they were nose to nose.

The boy went red in the face, giving an awkward chuckle. "Soo wanna -"

Without warning, the woman shoved Cardin through the door. He fell backwards, screaming, until he crashed into the sea with a distant but audible CRSH!

The door whirred and shut, and from outside, the gang could hear the sinking ship explode into a magnificent plume of curling fire and smoke.

And all at one, the crew felt a sinking feeling, that they were in a lot more trouble than they could have ever expected.

…

Unfazed by her recent murder, the woman walked back to the man with the stupid hat, and stood to face them all.

"Well hello." She said smoothly.

Unsure how to reply, each one gave a different answer, all replies clashing in an unbearable mess that echoed and faded uncomfortably in the small area of the helicopter.

"I'm Cinder Fall, and this is Roman Torchwick." She said.

No one replied this time.

Behind her orange eyes, fire flared.

"We need your help. Torchwick?" She addressed the man next to her. "Explain please darling?"

Torchwick sighed, and hesitated. But meeting the glowering glaze of Cinder, he thought better of it and turned to them.

"We need your help. You see. Your friend's ballsack is quite a curious artefact." He waved his hand at Jaune, who was still out cold.

"Artefact?!" Pyrrha yelled, outraged. "Jaune's genitals are fine! They're just stolen by some witch! And now you killed the only guy who can break the curse!"

Roman laughed hysterically. "Firstly, how do you know that his genitals are fine?!"

Pyrrha went red, realising her mistake.

Roman continued, "Secondly, it needs to be an Arc to f*ck the witch!"

Pyrrha froze. "Wait what? That's what Jaune told me…"

"Oh ho! He didn't tell you?"

From behind, Cinder slapped Roman on the back of his head. "Enough fooling around, Torchwick. We have arrived at the island."

Her eyes glinted maniacally "You might not know it, but you friend's testicles have an old ancient power far beyond that of nuclear or dust weapons! His ballsack will win wars! Because of that curse that such an old witch put on it, it now carries the ability to produce sperm that is 100 times more reactive than Francium, 100 times more useful than oil, and slightly more drinkable than piss."

The team looked at each other in silence. They shared no words, but they all thought the same thing.

This woman was pretty sexually depraved.

( Editor's Note : Ooh, i'm nervous. Sorry for the short episode, wanted to just test the waters this time. I took in your reviews and tried to write more comedically, while still advancing the plot and introducing new villains. Please review, and don't be afraid to be harsh! Thanks )

(UPDATE 2 : Question. Would you guys rather have an all out crazy adventure that makes no sense and is all crazy, or a rather semi serious, semi adventure with humour story? )


	6. Barney's Island

The massive helicopter swept buckets of sand aside, whirring as it landed on Barney's island, showing no appreciation for the sun baked golden glistening sand, or the fresh green leaves of magnificent trees from which pure, clean drops of dew hung from. They were here for one thing, and one thing only.

As the heavy metal door swung back with a stentorian CLACK, the crew began to dismount.

Looking up to the misty sky, RWBY, Pyrrha and a now fully operating Jaune Arc could see that a whole fleet of helicopters had followed them.

Along with the standard black matte pain job, a bright red symbol of a minacious looking wolf with three claw marks dragged across a white surrounding circle adorned the convoy.

"The White Fang…" Blake muttered angrily. "I should have seen it. But its such a big army."

Cocking her head slightly, Blake whispered to Pyrrha, "What the hell is in Jaune's balls?"

At the moment, Pyrrha wouldn't be the surprised in the slightest if they had discovered that Jaune's balls were actually pure gold, and contained the soul of a mermaid, and granted eternal life if stroked.

"Move!"

A tough, muscular White Fang general pointed a 12 shotgun at their backs. He donned a sleeveless shirt and regular militant trousers and heavy boots, but a mask covered his eyes. Above them, sprung yellow, straight tufts of hair. He would have been handsome, but large, furry ears hung over his hair giving him the look of a brawny bunny.

"Move now, or i shoot head." He said in a thick, Russian accent.

They had got themselves into some real trouble now. Not only were they tangled right in the middle of a big White Fang operation, now, a Russian militant faunus was pointing a gun at them. Code for deep shit.

Watching a motorcade of jeeps, trucks, motorcycles and tanks unload from the helicopters and rumble into the forest that was ahead, Cinder smiled at the whole operation. These bunch of teenagers had no idea what they had got themselves looking for. A relic, she had called it. But it fact, it was undoubtedly something far greater. To the untrained eye, it was a cursed ballsack, but to her…she had yet to find a word to describe it. It held such power, it could change the world. And here, she was so close to find it. So close.

Cinder strode to her captives, the hem of her dress flapping at her heels in the cold wind.

"If you think we're going to help you find my boyfriend's beanbags…" Pyrrha started, Cinder stopped her with a stare.

And right there, Pyrrha had a vision. A vision of her, fighting a fire wielding woman who just might be named Cinder atop a demolished tower, on a dark night.

Cinder smiled, sensing her weakness. Behind her, Adam and Roman tailed, watching the events unfold.

"Take Jaune. And keep the rest under supervision." Cinder ordered. And she looked Pyrrha right in the eye, seeming on the verge of doing something drastic. As Jaune was roughly taken away by Adam, the red head felt anger flare up inside of her. It boiled and boiled like overcooked soup, but the glare of Cinder put it out. The woman turned away, and murmured to the muscular faunus, "Keep them under your care 24/7. Do not let them escape."

The man nodded and hefted his rifle, followed by a grin towards them.

He forced them into the back of a van, and got in with them, pointing his gun at all of them and before slamming the doors behind him.

"Well," Yang sighed, "It'll be hard to get out of this one."

Her scarred right gauntlet fizzed raucously in agreement.

( That Night )

The thick brown trunks were bulldozed aside by the convoy, kicking up rooster tails of dirt and mud.

Leading it, was a big, rumbling truck, that belched grey steam out of its silver smokestacks, and growled at the inhabitants of the jungle, and the cabin's dingy yellow light shone on Roman and Jaune, with Barney's map.

Tracing his fingers over the map, Roman hounded Jaune for every detail. "What is this?" He asked "A trap? A monster?"

Jaune exhaled audibly "It's an illustration of boobs."

He really didn't want to help them. He knew that this was wrong, and if the power of the Arc family jewel fell into the wrong hands? Jaune shook his head. The blonde didn't need to be told the answer.

But what was he to do? It's not like he could just plan a dashing escape.

"How far away are we from it?" A voice called from behind the front seat. Cinder's voice continued to question.

"I asked how far, Roman."

Squinting in the dim light of the car, Torchwick estimated the space between their current position and the supposed location of the witch.

"9 miles i'd say, give or take."

9 miles. Damn. Jaune massaged the side of his head. We'd need a bloody miracle to-

BANG.

At the rear of the convoy, a jeep flew up at a 90 degree angle and exploded in mid air into a burst of shrapnel and flame.

Cinder twisted her neck and growled "Someone's attacking us."

"Or something." Roman muttered, and gunned the engine.

A few metres away sprinted the van where the rest of Jaune's friends sat captive.

As more of the vehicles soared out of the past of the mysterious aggressor, the faunus soldier grunted, and focused his rifle on the shadow of it.

It was massive, and advanced on them with great speed. Great haste. It was targeting them.

Fear bloomed in the soldier, and his nerves went rigid.

His finger twitched on the trigger, and sweat developed on his forehead.

Suddenly, a fist discharged into his back, light flashed out in the back of the van, and the faunus spiralled out and towards the antediluvian creature.

The fumes thinned, and Yang was already on the move, no longer paying any heed to the agonising crunch of their warden's fate.

"What?" Yang said to her stunned teammates. "Let's go save Jaune."

Ruby moaned. "I need a cookie."

Steam curled out of the beast's flaring nostrils. His eyes widened and jerked. Stretching open his jaw, a earth shaking bellow reverberated from inside, and struck fear into the hearts of everyone in the vicinity.

Well, almost everyone.

Bright green concentrated pylons of plasma energy rained down from the sky and ripped open the monster's head, spilling both brains and blood into the soil.

Unaware of their pursuer's death, the convoy raced ahead. But a ship descended onto the corpse.

And from the ship, came two men.

One had salt and pepper hair, a grim face, black slacks, a shirt and tattered red cape.

And the other had a truly uncanny appearance.

He wore dark green trousers that was only a shade lighter than what would be called vomit green.

A black vest covered a green shirt, and a black jacket covered the vest. Gleaming golden buttons lead up the vest to an emerald scarf, and the man's head was topped with spiky grey hair.

He saw through rounded glasses, and held a light cane similar to Torchwick's.

But in his other hand was a white coffee mug. The man seemed addicted to the beverage. Dark rings around his eyes proved that.

"QROW!" He bellowed, his cool completely evaporated. "You said that the students were here!"

The man called Qrow sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "They were! Right over there" He pointed at the cloud of dust that the procession of cars had kicked up.

"We just missed them." He added in a gravelly tone.

Ozpin groaned, exasperatedly. "Qrow, i gave you one job. One job!" He stuck up a finger to visually support his words. "And you lose us the students! Do you have any idea how much _shit_ the school would be in if we lost not 4, not 5, but 7 students?"

Qrow grumbled and started walking to the entrance of the ship. "Ah, fuck off Oz. We'll find them by the tomorrow, tops."

His colleague already out of sight, Ozpin stole a quick glance at the creature they had previously killed.

The smoking crater in its skull spluttered. Its eyes spasmed. Black steam issued from underneath its form.

But slowly, its body melted smoothly into a amorphous agglomeration of hissing fog. It had no face to communicate expressions, but Ozpin felt it scowl at him. And then it dispersed.

"OI! Oz! Get over here!" Qrow yelled from inside the craft. Ozpin got in, and faced his friend.

"What is it Professor? You look like you saw a ghost." The adventurer teased. But it failed to lighten the Professor's mood. "Witchcraft." Ozpin replied solemnly, taking a deep sip of his coffee. "Witchcraft."

( Editor's Note : So sorry this episode is so short. )


	7. What The Fuck?

The van rumbled past the dense jungle, treading over leaves and roots and pouring black smoke from its roaring rear.

At the helm of the reckless vehicle was Yang Xiao Long, eyes aflame with excitement, foot never leaving the accelerator, and smiling psychotically.

"Um…Yang?" Pyrrha anxiously grasping on the back of the blonde's seat. "Do you think you're a bit…too excited?"

"Excited?!" Yang whooped, watching the speedometer clock over and rattle tipsily "This is you're boyfriend's gonads we're talking about!"

Pyrrha rolled her eyes "He lied to me. It needs an Arc to break the curse. He lied."

Her words trailed off, and her gaze fell.

But it did not falter the exuberant behaviour of the driver.

"It doesn't matter. In the end, you'll still love him!" Yang smirked. Approaching the truck Jaune was held captive in, she egged the machine on to go even faster. "Just like my mum." She muttered.

It was a quiet mutter, one that was not meant to be heard, but was. Pyrrha appalled face matched the other's too.

"What?!"

Internally, a sigh bounced around her insides. Yang had explained it before painfully, and it looks like she would have to again.

"My mum. She always went on wild adventures, and never came back from one of em. I always look for clues of where she went. Like the thrill."

It was a simple explanation, but it reflected her thoughts well, if not censoring her deep fear and sadness.

Through her pursuit of answers, she had encountered innumerable hazards, but it was to be expected, and plus, Yang didn't mind in the slightest. Her hand tightened on the rubber ring lining the steering wheel. If it meant finally meeting her long lost mother, she wouldn't care.

The van clawed across rough rocks and stones, steadily gaining on the truck ahead.

What she would do to meet her mother…how she missed her…she would dream about her sometimes…

"YANG! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

Yang was promptly shoved back into reality as the nose of their van crumpled into the back of the truck. The car jolted and Yang was propelled straight into the lorry's cargo area, slamming into the cold, unwelcoming steel flooring. A soft growl addressed her.

"Ms. Xiao Long…" Cinder snarled irritatedly.

Yang picked herself up, clutching the painful throb in her side.

"Hey…I don't remember your name…"

White hot flames ignited in the palm of Cinder's hand, caressing her fingers and overlapping each other.

"Woah, hey, don't have to get so mad!" Yang yelled hotly, but a jet of pure fire hit her torso, and she went flying out past the jeep and onto the road.

"YANG!" Ruby wailed, watching her sister get swallowed by the rushing scenery.

Pyrrha hopped into the driver's seat. She had a harrowing decision. Yang or Jaune? They only could afford the get one. If they stopped and drove back to get Yang, they would lose the truck to the wild undergrowth of the rainforest. But if they continued to chase Jaune, there was no guarantee that they would be able to find her again.

"Pyrrha!" Blake shouted hurriedly, "We need to get Yang!"

But the warrior shook her head sternly. Thinking back on what Yang had told her, she replied "In the end, I still love him. I still love Jaune!" Hoping that the blonde won't snap her neck later, she put the van in high gear and hear in the engine bellow.

Cinder gave a sigh of annoyance. These kids sure were pestilent. Conjuring more flames in her hand, she grimaced. Time to end this. NOW.

Finally at full speed, the van straightened up with the left flank of the truck.

Inside, Roman's brows furrowed. He set his cane on the open window, the business end of it aimed at the aggressor. He flicked a switch on it and brought out a trigger, and eased his index finger into in.

"Ready to see your friends die?" The man smiled, and pushed the trigger.

Roman's cane was fucking powerful, Pyrrha brooded. Mental note to get one of them when she could.

Just nearly avoiding an intense detonation from Roman's cane, the van whined and curved dangerously off track, sending sand and pebbles flying under it's spasming wheels.

With his enemies flustered, he trained directed his muzzle at them with a sly, fox like grin.

But he would never get the chance to shoot.

Talons shredded the steel roof with an agonising screech, splaying the ceiling in two and burying themselves deep into Torchwick's back, bringing out a blood curling scream from him. Warm, red liquid squirted out of his back out like water from a hose, and it went across the windscreen and into Jaune's gaping mouth, who was lying flat against the door, silent in horror.

"Fucking help me!" Roman screamed, the once brown leather seat he rested on lamented in blood.

Jaune sunk lower "How do i help you?!"

Somewhere in the truck, Cinder's yell of trepidation shot out.

"I don't fucking know! Do something!" Roman screamed back.

"HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!" Jaune yelled, his face red and dripping with blood.

"I DON'T KNOW! GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" Roman shrieked.

"HOW!?" Jaune retorted

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE! GET ME OUT!" Roman bawled.

The talons rose, and carried a still screaming and severely bleeding Roman out of sight, blood spraying out of his back.

"Oh my God…" Weiss stuttered, for a giant Grimm Griffin was flying away with a man in his claws. It had spend the whole day ravaging the landscape for a meal that could satisfy its hunger, and it had at long last found it.

Soaring high into the air, it let loose a delighted caw.

On tonight's menu : Roman Torchwick.

With the man's fluids still in his shaking mouth, Jaune wiped his face. With a slow and drawn out breath, he muttered,

"What the fuck?"

His response was a mirror of the team's.

Ruby watched in terror.

"What the heck was that?!" She said, waving her hands in the air.

"I actually kind of expected that." Pyrrha said dispassionately. Her wooden response to quite a deranged situation attracted the attention of her friends.

"I mean," Pyrrha explained inexpressively, "I don't know why, but when i saw that guy, i could just see him getting suddenly eaten by a Griffin. Can't you?"

They shook their heads, staring at Pyrrha like she was insane.

Meanwhile, Jaune was reclining in his blood soaked seat, breathing heavily.

That was a lot to take in.

He was just going to gaze through the cracked windscreen, and meditate. Long deep breaths.

Breathe in.

Hmmmmm

Breathe out.

Huuuuuuu

Breath in.

Breath out.

She felt rough sand under her fingers. Her eyelids fluttered open.

Yang Xiao Long saw herself surrounded by an island of light golden sand, and around it, crystal clear water that sang sweetly. In the distance, a waterfall rumbled proudly.

But as consciousness flooded her brain and sparked life in her bruised body, Yang realised that she was in the presence of two other beings.

Both were women, but one was standing facing her forbiddingly, and the other was lying unconscious and bleeding heavily at her side.

The standing one was covered from head to toe in rings, piercings ang bangles. She wore a dark blue cloak over a basic shirt and patterned kilt. Her dark black smooth hair hung over her eyes, and she stood straight, like she had nothing to fear. And it was the people near her that needed to fear.

The motionless women had a dress, but it was so tattered and scratched that it's original state was unpredictable.

She as well as dark black hair, but her eyes were closed. But Yang knew who she was.

She knew who she was, even though it had been years since they last met.

Her throat felt sore, and her lips were dry and cracked.

"Mom?"

The standing women smiled nefariously and nodded.

Yang pulled herself up, wobbling a bit on her feet. She pointed a trembling finger at the women.

"You're the witch."

The witch smiled. "Obviously darling."

Yang grimaced. "What did you do to my mother…?"

"I helped her."

"Shut up…shut up…" Yang pursed her lips "Whats your name?"

The witch shrugged flippantly "My name is too complicated to be spoken in the human language. You can call me whatever you want."

Yang punched her in the face, forcing her to reel back.

"I'm going to kill you, asshole."

"Asshole…" The witch contemplated this name facetiously. "Sounds great. Kill me then."

But as Yang cocked her arm back, she held up a hand. "However…you might not want to."

"Why not?" The blonde snarled "Killing you will break all your curses, right? So i'll just punch a hole though your gut."

"Ah…" Asshole the witch procrastinated. "Lifting my curses? You want to know something?"

Yang stopped, and watched her impatiently.

"Go on."

"I'm friends with your mother, _Yang Xiao Long_. So when she got herself almost killed in one of her little trips, i helped her, and put her in regenerative sleep. Soo, if you kill me…you lose your mother. She's way too weak now."

Her lips thinned.

"And if your friends take away my virginity…i'll kill your mother."

( Writer's Note : So sorry this took so long guys, my personal life and school just came crashing down on me. And then i had an explosion of ideas i wanted to implement into the story, and it all just went to shit, eventually leading to me kind of rushing this episode, to please don't mind the occasional error. Please review, i want to know if my rushing writing is as shit as i think it is :D )


	8. Time To Battle

(Hey guys, just wanted to say, i decided to split the final episode into two, so you guys don't have to wait too long, and also to get some opinions on my experimental, combination of serious and comedic writing. I tried to make the plot as weird as possible while still maintaining enough realism as to not make this a Monty Python sketch and instead a proper story. Tell me what you think. Regards, super nervous writer. )

Razed vehicles lay strewn across the dirt path.

Around lay unconscious White Fang men, some still in their seats, while others were positioned chest up on the ground.

Fire crackled merrily in various places surrounding them.

Night had fallen like a stone, and the jet black sky was dotted with brilliantly twinkling stars.

Pyrrha, Jaune, Ruby, Weiss, Blake, Professer Ozpin and Qrow sat on roughly hewn, makeshift logs encompassing a burning campfire.

After Roman had been carried away to his death, the two adults had found the team and helped to defeat the rest of the White Fang convoy. They had left none conscious, save Cinder and Adam, who had managed to overpower them and escape.

Ozpin gazed up at the stratosphere in deep thought.

It was expected that Adam was formidable, but as for Cinder…

How had she gotten **that** powerful?

That woman would mean a big problem for them. Once she got his hands on Jaune's balls…game over, for all of Remnant.

He tapped his long finger on the cragged surface of the log.

"Where is Yang?" Qrow mused softly. The orange light from the campfire lit up a side of his weathered face, giving him a ominous appearance.

"She'll be fine." Ruby looked up from her boots.

Ruby always had an unbreakable confidence in her sister. Yang was like her angel, coming in to rescue and look after her. A bully had once cornered her, demanding for her lunch money. But Yang was there, hair flaming more ferociously than the fire she had before her now. And the bully ran.

Ran, ran, ran. And never bothered her again.

If there was one undisputed fact to her, it was that Yang was one tough cookie.

 _MMMMH._ Cookies. Delicious, warm, homemade cookies with a sprinkle of chocolate chips that melted in your mouth. Ruby could really do with some cookies. How many days had it been since her last one? 3?

That was terrible.

"I know she will be." Responded Qrow, but his brow still remained wrinkled with worry.

They sat there a little longer in sustained silence, listening to the roaring fire mellow to a gentle crackle.

The 7 were in a situation that was waaaay out of their league. The witch had immeasurable power. And if Yang had gotten in her way…

Chances were that she wouldn't make it.

Suddenly, the leaves behind Ruby shuffled vigorously. The racket of snapping twigs and scuffling overgrowth echoed around the canopy.

Crescent Rose snapped to attention in Ruby's palm. _CHHHH LINK_.

Glinting mechanics and cogs of the sniper/scythe rolled and clicked into place, the resonance of it reminiscent of a shotgun reloading.

When the two sister heard it for the first time, even Yang couldn't disagree. The sound was badass as hell.

The gang got into strategic position, surrounding the source of the sound.

"Get ready!" Qrow yelled.

They needed no warning. For all they knew, it could be Cinder and Adam.

A flash of glowing yellow, a smell of gunpowder and a figure flew from the bushes and crumpled into the middle of the defensive circle like a deflated balloon.

"YANG!" Blake exclaimed loudly, rushing to her teammate's aid without a second of hesitance.

Yang was down on all fours, clothes torn and hair unusually mangled.

"What happened?" Weiss asked, almost in an interrogational voice.

"Fuck…" Gasped the blonde girl desperately. "Guys." She tried but failed to stand up. Instead, she fell onto her rear and settled on looking up at her friends. "I need to tell you something."

( Meanwhile, deep in the heart of the jungle… )

Cinder took long strides over the overgrown floor, with Adam at her heels.

They had been so close, so close to the target. And a group of assholes ruin it all. Not only have they lost an entire squad of soldiers, not to mention their vehicles, Roman had, for some reason, been taken away and brutally eaten by a massive bird.

She had tracked the beast down as fast as she could, as Torchwick was a valuable ally, and she had made it to the thing's nest, but alas. The Nevermore had torn him into bird food.

Fire tore away his, and his family's entire universe, but there was only so much Cinder could do. Killing his killer would not resurrect Torchwick.

"Shit…" She cursed under her breath, the hem of her dress catching onto a mischievous thorn.

Adam drew out his sword, but Cinder waved him away, eying his blade with apprehension.

"No time for saving my dress Adam. We have some little meddling kids to kill, and a ballsack to retrieve."

"Cinder." Adam enquired. "How exactly are you going to get the ballsack?"

"Simple." Cinder applied an evil, but undeniably sexy grin onto her face. "I'll just kill her."

( Back with our protagonists… )

An uncanny silence reined in the makeshift campsite.

Yang had just finished telling every singular detail about her encounter with the witch, and it left the group stunned.

"That woman has your mother?!" Qrow yelled in anger "I am so going to fucking _gut_ her!"

"That bitch has it coming." Jaune nodded firmly.

"Let's break her legs!" Ruby squealed, quoting a famous line from Nora Valkary, a fellow student of Beacon and friend.

"But wait." Ozpin interrupted. "Killing her would effectively kill Ms Xiao Long's mother."

The excitement died as fast as it came.

"Exactly." Yang cried in the silence "So what can we do?!"

While the other scratched their chins and muttered dubiously, Ozpin offered his hand to the blonde huntress.

Ozpin straightened up to his full, impressive height.

"What we do, Ms Xiao Long?" He pushed his silver spectacles up the bridge of his nose sternly with his index finger. "We negotiate."

( Later… )

Asshole the Witch stood in the centre of a ruin. The ruin of an old Vacuo fort to be exact.

She looked down at the floor : cracked and splintered marble that had once been polished and beautiful.

And next to her…Raven. Yang's mother.

She reached into the pocket of the robes she donned. Felt something round and smooth. And pulled it out.

And in her palms… the two round, perfectly symmetrical balls of the Arc family, only slightly bigger than actual testicles. They were of solid silver, and gleamed with a certain magical aura that sprung joyfully off its surface. Her own little curse. Nothing to be proud of.

The balls felt metallic to the naked palm. And it looked like nothing more than glowing paper weights to the untrained eye.

Asshole closed her fist around it.

No way she was going to let anyone take it. Not that she needed it for mass destruction, no, but for what she had been using it for all these centuries.

They made killer pinballs.

Oh, how other witches loved them. ( The balls ) It gave Asshole the Witch great pride to be in possession of them. And no other witch or wizard had thought of enchanting human body parts.

So these were clearly some balls to hold on to.

She began to pace the once grand floors of the fort, letting the soft tapping of her black shoes echo around the ruined walls of the structure.

Other than that, once again, silence filled the air.

Silence.

Asshole enjoyed that. It was something under appreciated by the rowdy, stupid people of today. And something that witches like herself rarely could indulge in, due to their chaotic lives.

A brush of wind.

Thats all it took for her to realise that she wasn't alone in the room.

"Witch."

The voice was authoritative and unforgiving. The voice of a fool who though she had more power than she really possessed.

"Yes?" The sorcerous spun round sedately. Calmly.

Cinder Fall and Adam Tarus faced her, each with their weapon out.

Adam had his long, shimmering red blade out and by his side, and fire gleamed maliciously on Cinder's hands.

"You're going to give us those balls." Adam said. "NOW."

Their opponent took a few relaxed steps towards them, hands crossed. She looked them in the eye.

"Now why on Earth would i do that?"

"Because…" Cinder answered, keeping her voice as neutral as possible "If not…I'll kill you." Her voice vibrated with extreme joy. She was finally about to get Jaune's nards.

The sorcerous smiled graciously, and put the balls back in her pocket leisurely, while waving her hand at Raven, causing her body to disappear. Yang's mother would be of no use to her. At the moment.

She leant the smallest bit forward, and said her words slowly, and gently.

"Go ahead love."

"So be it." Cinder replied, with identical casualness in her tone. They could have been discussing the weather. "So be it."

She repeated, and hardened her gaze.

Immediately, the atmosphere thickened, and the air got warmer.

A jet of bright orange light soared from Cinder's palms. A wave of a hand, a slash of silver light, and the attack was deflected.

Adam darted at Asshole ( The witch ), and swung his sword. From her robes, his enemy withdrew a gleaming staff that parried his lunge.

Targus growled, and twisted his wrist, leaned his weight right, employing the ancient Mantle technique of balance. Asshole recoiled and struck low, but missed.

A bar of dazzling flame singed the tip of her dark hair.

Cinder ran right, then left, then right, bobbing and weaving in order to confuse Asshole. And confuse her she did.

"WTF!" Asshole whined "How the hell did you do that?!"

Adam's sword cut across her shoulder, and the cold sting of the open air rushed in the wound.

The witch thrust the tip of her staff into his gut, and urged her aura to heal the cut.

Another beam of fire flew at her, but this time, it struck home.

Hitting her squarely in the chest, inferno wrapped around her and knocked her to her knees. The floor beneath her sizzled and crackled under the heat.

Gasping in pain, Asshole muttered disdainfully. "When had these people started getting so powerful? Back in my day they were like goddamn apes."

Rolling and dodging a swing from Adam, she quickly got back on her feet and shot a curse from her hand aimed at Cinder, but she disappeared and the hex bounced harmlessly off the wall.

Adam kicked her shin, making her cry out in pain, and a quick flourish of his katana cleaved the staff into halves.

Cinder reappeared behind her and slammed her to the floor.

The two of them had been too much for the sorcerer.

"Fuck you…" Wheezed Asshole the witch, who was aching all over. Maybe she was too old for combat, she thought sadly.

Adam seized the hood of her cloak and pulled, tearing it clean off her body. Shaking it roughly, two round objects fell out and onto the ground with a soft _clack_.

Cinder smiled ruefully at the shaking body of her fallen foe, and reached for the balls, but at the last second…

BA-BANG

Smoke rose from the area.

A bullet shot the balls out her her reach. A cheer of a young girl followed.

Ruby stood, framed at the entrance of the old castle, Crescent Rose trained directly at the place where the genitals had been.

"Meddling bitch." Adam barked, but a loud sound of a weapon arming cut him off.

The wall behind him exploded and crumbled in a cloud of dust. Yang walked through it, face steely.

"No one, calls my sister, a bitch." Her now fully functioning gauntlets whirred in furious agreement. Yang thanked her lucky stars she remembered how to repair her weapon. It was odd, as she rarely remembered schematics.

Cinder still had her calm smile. "You think two sisters and a senile old hag can defeat two of the most feared warriors in all of Remnant?!"

As if on cue, Pyrrha, Jaune, Blake appeared behind Yang, each equally serious.

Ozpin, Weiss, and Qrow appeared being Ruby, weapons out.

"No." Jaune's voice was shaky. "We…" He guestured proudly around at his friends, teacher, and well…Qrow.

"We, can defeat you."

Pyrrha looked up at him with awe. In fact everyone did, even Asshole the witch. A man who looked, and was, timid, careful, and nervous now was bold, brave and stood, weapon out, held with a confident hand.

Adam and Cinder reevaluated their opponents. Their opponents did the same.

Asshole arose and walked to Yang's side.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Yang hissed

"I'm helping." Asshole replied, but with a grim tone.

They grouped together to form a semi-circle around Cinder and Adam, who did the same.

In the middle of their circle : the Arc family testicles.

"You think you can win this fight?" Ozpin taunted Cinder.

"I know i can win." Cinder corrected sweetly.

They continued to circle each other, each side prowling around, all the while maintaining a perfect circle. This was a showdown. A Mexican standoff.

Tension was being increased, like the pressure of a bowstring on a tightening bow, one that was pulled back as far as it could.

"What's the use of all that training Adam…?" Qrow taunted. "You got skills, but nothing else."

He knew Adam only through stories and incidents, and never actually met him face to face before, but he knew enough to insult him.

"You got nothing. No family, no friends."

"I don't need either." Adam snapped. "They're for the weak. The strong can survive by themselves."

"Say that to yourself every night at the mirror?" Qrow sneered.

"Its a pity." Adam replied, "All those nights partying, all those one night stands…could never get you anyone. Or maybe you were too drunk to try."

Qrow's cheeks flushed, but his expression said nothing of embarrassment.

He gripped his scythe, his eyes wide, like a snake poised to strike.

"Careful…" Adam jeered. "If you lost your temper like you did in those stories i've heard of you, you'll be even more of a disappointing uncle. Can't even spend a day sober, and gets into mindless fights all the time."

"I'll strangle you with your intestines." Qrow seethed.

Still moving sideways, each party kept the same distance away from each other, each person so focused on the other, nothing could break their concentration.

The situation reminded Ruby of old Western movies, where the good dude and bad, ugly dude would circle each other in a minute of condensed rage, and then, all hell would break loose.

"It all comes down to this, doesn't it?" Cinder cackled, with a mad look rising in her eyes.

"Yup." Asshole the witch snarled. "Your final hour."

"I think you have us confused, darling!" Cinder whispered, a psychotic tone in her voice. She was ready to kill, and kill without hesitation.

The pair of shining balls winked at them. It was now or never. Jaune held his crappy sword above his head, and yelled as he charged. The circle broke, and like Ruby had anticipated, all hell broke loose.

( I hope I didn't fuck up with this chapter. )


	9. Ejaculation

( Here it is peeps! The final chapter i worked so hard on, balancing comedy, action, and romance! Enjoy! I hope i didn't screw up. )

It was said that people saw their entire lives flash past their eyes in the moment before death.

Cinder wondered if the same would happen to her victims.

Qrow lunged at her with his weapon, she dodged and shot a fireball at him.

Ozpin slashed his cane at her, but he missed and received a discharge of flame in his chest.

Asshole the witch fired a neon green, shimmering spell at her head, but was parried by an attack from Cinder.

These three great warriors, she scoffed, was no match for her.

They were all weak, useless, like fluff on a carpet.

They were no more than an insect to her. After the power she gained from the Fall Maiden, she was untouchable.

Fire roared behind her eyes, and on her palms. Her enemies stumbled back.

She waved her hand. Fire rose up from the ground, cracking the marble floor.

A kick. Qrow yelled and fell back.

Everyone should fear her, no matter who they were.

"Jesus, lady!" Qrow shouted in pain. "Watch where you're sticking that foot."

"Give me the balls." Cinder growled. She advanced on them, slowly.

"I'l give you a kick up the ass!" Swore Asshole.

Black smoke curled curiously around her fists, licking her wrists, and whispering with a hollow tune.

"Black magic…" Cinder smiled at the magic. "Meh."

"Meh?!" Asshole snapped, finally losing her cool. "Meh?! I have fucking black magic in my hand and all you say is _meh_?"

Not too far behind her, fought Adam, who was taking on Ruby, Weiss, Blake, Yang, Pyrrha and Jaune.

At first, it seemed inundate for all of them to be fighting him, not to mention unnecessary, but the adults wouldn't have it any other way. It seemed that even Adam, was inferior to Cinder.

 _CRACK!_

The ground split open with the force of an explosion, and a ghostly navy light shone bravely through. The shill sound of the screams of the dead, variegated with their cold whispers.

Hands began to latch onto the sides of the fissure, and pull their bodies up. They were wrapped in decomposing, white flesh, most of it gone, revealing pearly bone.

There was a giant, climactic battle at the old Vacuo ruin, and Asshole had just invited the dead.

 _Traitor_.

Good for nothing, completely filthy, _traitor_.

Even if he was fighting six people, Adam Tarus only saw one target : Blake.

He swung his katana wildly, but precisely, the killing edge of the blade always facing the fanus.

A barrage of attacks was deflected by Blake, but not without cost. She was getting weaker, and her arm became from feeble with each parry.

Blake swung back, making Adam open to attack from her friends, while allowing her to catch her breath. She clutched a stitch in her side, and her face was red. Consciousness flowed in and out of her head like water.

Over the years under the White Fang, she had learnt a few tricks that could catch expert swordsman, but the problem was, Adam knew more. Heck, the guy was the one who taught her them.

Blake rounded her shoulders, and went back in.

A shard of wintry ice slashed across his cheek. Adam bellowed. Weiss thrust her rapier at his throat, but the move was smacked aside by his aggressive swordsmanship.

He locked blades with her, and pushed her back. Weiss's shoes clamped onto the ground, resisting movement. Sweat beaded on the ice queen's forehead, which was odd, and something that almost never happened. Adam grit his teeth, and put more effort into his advancement. Weiss began to, against her will, slide back. Myrtenaster groaned under extreme stress, the fine silver metal shuddering, and Adam's blade making a firm groove in the edge.

She knew she wasn't gonna last long like this. Weiss was facing an opponent much more skilled, intelligent, and for lack of a different term, _muscular_.

In an instant, she twisted away, and skirted around his flank rapidly, catching him by surprise.

The stinging, ice cold bite of Myrtenaster in his back made his vision blurry. The dust system in the weapon had a primary purpose, to inflict as much pain as possible on contact.

But Adam had learnt to cut pain off, to not feel the prick of a blade. A backhanded slap sent Weiss down to the floor.

"WEISS!" Ruby bawled, rushing to her fallen teammate's aid. Such heroic acts were of no concern to Adam. He stepped past Weiss, and toward Blake.

"You knew this day would come, you filthy _traitor_ …"

"Um…actually, no, i had no idea." Blake retorted, attempting a biting remark.

"You had no idea…?" Adam started, with trembling rage.

"Yup, no idea." Blake's head shook rapidly.

"Well then." Adam growled. "Let me…"

"Let you what? You are one _confusing_ little man!" Yang had stepped next to Blake, arms down, swinging casually. But there was a tone of apprehension behind the mask of flippancy.

"Confusing?" The man said, eyeing Yang with interest.

They had fought just days before, and apparently, the confident teenager had forgotten that she almost died.

" _Totally_ confusing." Replied Yang, with massive emphasis on the 'totally'.

Blake silently wondered what the **bloody hell** her friend was doing. In the corner of her eye, she saw Ruby tending to Weiss, and saw Pyrrha and Jaune creeping up on Adam from behind like freakily dressed murderers. _Distraction?_ Though Blake serendipitously.

Actually, it was more an insult than a distraction.

"YES! Confusing! One second, you're this grave mentor in the White Fang, teaching this poor, vulnerable, fanus." Yang waved her hands comically at Blake for visual aid.

"The next second, you're some creepy guy, wanting to get in your student's pants…I mean come on, i know Blake is hot, but…"

Blake went red. "What the hell Yang? That is so not true."

Adam also went red, and instead of doing what he should have done, engaging on combat, he engaged in an argument.

"I did no such thing!"

"Uh…of course you did. If you didn't, why did it say so in Blake's diary?"

Blake dropped fifty shades of red brighter. "You read my diary?" She yelled, indignant. Realising her mistake, in a micro second, she corrected herself, and said in a similar tone: "I have a diary?"

The man in front of them had lost composure. Any normal guy would have too : being accused of flirting was a serious accusation.

"How dare you…you accuse me of…you dare…"

Yang beamed at him, hands on her slanted hips, like she was looking at a naughty child.

"Awww, its ok to be attracted to someone. Take me for example. I mean, have you seen Sun? I just want him to nail me with his long, hard, d-"

AGH!

Ozpin dropped the floor, clutching his arm. Warm, red streams of blood poured from behind his fingers. Cinder stood triumphant, but only for a second, the two remaining fighters attacked with increased vigour.

All of the student's attention was instantly drawn to their headmaster.

Adam took advantage, and lunged forward, sword in hand…

Blake felt the blade pierce her abdomen before anyone had noticed. It parted her flesh, and her blood swarmed to meet the intruder.

She uttered no screams as she fell to the stony floor.

Her eyes were wide open, mouth hanging.

Her body was limp, every muscle flaccid, and her breathing heavy.

Yang's attitude was no longer cheerful or cheeky, but instead…she didn't even know. How was anyone to react to their best friend being stabbed?

A spear and sword pounced out of nowhere.

Adam twirled around to face Jaune and Pyrrha. Both angry.

Simple duck and swerve, combined with a flurry of parries and lunges sent them down quickly. But not fatally.

Adam looked around.

Cinder fought Asshole the witch, an infuriated Qrow, Ruby, and an army of endless skeletons than rose from the fissure in the ground, and now back with a vengeance, Weiss.

And if Jaune and Pyrrha got up, two more would join against her. ( Yang was with Blake, who was near death. )

Maybe he was on the losing side. However, he never really wanted the balls. And he never really wanted to work with Cinder. She mostly forced him into it.

So was it worth it to help her? Adam pondered and made up his mind. No.

And he turned his back on Fall and his mind on where the fastest way out of here was.

He stumbled past the rocky hole in the wall that Yang had previously blown open, and vanished into the misty jungle.

A cold, bony hand clasped onto her arm. Cinder growled, and shot fire at the skeleton aggressor.

But it had no flesh to burn, or no nerves to hurt.

The skull was charred coal black, but her attack only served to make the skeleton head look cooler : the flames were now nestled inside his skull, giving it the appearance of a flaming skull.

The particular bag of bones brought it's head close to her's, and let the flames singe the edges of her dark hair.

Pain seared her scalp. The rattling groan of the dead reverberated in her ear, sending tingles up her spine.

"Die…" It whispered belligerently. His friends chattered in plain agreement.

Qrow was advancing on her, weapon out and ready. Far behind, and in safety was Asshole, putting every inch of effort into controlling the dead.

 _Not for long._

Cinder shook off his grip, and rose her knee to meet his pelvic bone.

 _CRACK_. The excruciating crunch of bone. The skeleton moaned in pain, and fell, clutching his shattered pelvis.

Free, Cinder ducked under their bony arms and Qrow's savage swipe of his scythe, and landed a fist straight to Asshole's nose.

Another crack, and Asshole reeled, blood pouring from her broken nose, and concentration crushed, the skeletons relaxed and flattened.

Thrusting her hand into Asshole's pocket, grasping the balls, and she pulled out.

"GOT IT!" Cinder laughed, her hair askew, and her chest heaving.

Immediately, the spheres glowed, and the hand grasping it as well. Her breathing slowed, becoming more loose and light. A smile reached across her smooth face.

"Ah…shit." Qrow muttered, beginning to back away. Light grey fume spiralled around Cinder's feet, rising from the ground magically.

Ozpin looked up at her, his hand drenched red, and face sour.

All around, the walls began to shake threateningly, dust fell from the roof, and the crack of stone echoed around the hall.

A chuckle left Cinder's crooked smile, and another, and another, slowly evolving into a maniacal laugh that sounded somewhat not human.

The combination of the maiden's powers combined with the orbs resulted in an unstoppable user.

Everyone backed away, waiting for the inevitable with bated breath.

Cinder's eyes had actual fire in them. White hot, steaming, and vibrating with power.

"HAAHAH! NOW! FINALLY! ULTIMATE POWER…."

The orbs in her hand had lost their metallic hue : they now shone bright, pure white, and pumped power into their host.

Shards of stone flew up into the air, the floor split like a spider's web, intricate and beautiful, and the cobble surrounding Cinder flared with fire, and was seared inky black, steam towering, curling, encasing the woman's figure with a cocoon of haze.

Yang gripped Blake hard, sensing the end.

Blake coughed, a trickle of blood escaped her mouth. "Yang…thats a bit too tight."

"Ah, sorry _Blake_."

"Yang?"

"Mmmh?"

"This is it, huh?"

Yang never responded to that, but instead watched ahead, feeling the air rise to temperates that were too much, even for her.

Weiss and Ruby stood side by side, dread creeping deep into them.

And Pyrrha and Jaune?

They hugged each other while they sat on the ground, wanting to spend their final moments, their last seconds, with each other.

What followed took place over a matter of seconds, but from the point of view of the both of them, it took _hours._

Almost like time had slowed.

Fire leisurely danced, dust fell from the ceiling like snow, and people moved sedately, their voices sluggish and morphed.

Cinder's laugh sounded now monstrous and deep.

Massive power surged through her body, and she slowly rose her hand to destroy her enemies.

It took forever for her arm to get up, and longer still for the fabric of the robe to respond.

Suddenly, her expression was altered : a grimace.

A pang of pain seared her brain. Her smile faltered, slowly sinking into a frown.

 _What the hell?_

Another shot of pain hit her head. It widened her eyes, and caused distress to her nerves.

Her body twitched, involuntarily. Her foes didn't notice her odd spasm. _It only lasted a second after all_ , Cinder thought bracingly.

But then another agonising discharge ate at her brain, burning her eyes and bringing her to her knees, clawing at her head.

Her foes _definitely_ noticed that.

Then another strike of pain, and another. Cinder's aura made an effort to numb it, but each strike hit harder and faster.

Her skin began to glow with feral light, and her clothes smoked under the heat.

"AGGGGHHH." She growled in pain, and the others in the room backed away in haste.

"What the fuck?" Asshole said, but less in fear, more in confusion.

The ground below Cinder cracked and liquidised, fire surrounding her like a devilish circle.

Her skin sagged, her hair flared with heat, her eyes became brighter than the Sun, and she glowed like an absurd angel on fire.

"Nooooo…this…wasn't….supposed to…happen…" With each passing word, her voice was less feminine, more monstrous and distorted, like her very vocal cords were slowly melting.

Everyone in the room shielded their eyes as the light inside of her reached a peak. Bright, pure hot white phosphorescence beamed all round, engulfed every inch of the hall, and Cinder's scream reached miles around.

The blood inside her evaporated, and to Jaune and Pyrrha, exploded in a magnificent bright flash.

She imploded with such speed, that the naked eye would find it impossible to track.

And at that very moment, Cinder Fall saw her entire life flash past her eyes.

Adam heard Fall's yell. Assuming it all went to hell, he turned to the helicopter in front of him.

The White Fang general and his remaining men saluted him stoutly.

"Wheels up." He ordered, calling to every soldier present.

The general followed him into the cabin of the copter.

"Um..sir? What about Miss Fall?" He swallowed, summoning as much confidence to sound dignified.

"Miss Fall?" Adam turned to peer at the green mountain tips, where the ruin and Cinder was. He felt the cool wind rush into his hair, blowing sweetly in his face. He smiled. "We won't be seeing much of her anymore."

The General nodded curtly, not fully understanding, but signalling to his men nevertheless. They were leaving. The heavy metal door slammed in his face. The blades of the machine whirred. The rest of the army lifted off the sandy beach, once again tossing buckets of sparkling sand around.

The general took his seat in the hard, plastic chairs of the vehicle, careful not to wrinkle his uniform.

He gazed out of the metal oval window, at the beautiful scenery off vast, lush but snow capped mountains, brilliant beaches, and white, clear waters. He watched it rush by.

Where Cinder Fall once lay in torment, now was a deep depression in the razed ground. A slowly revolving column of _cinders_ was above it. The floor around it was in pieces, shattered and smoking.

"Holy shit…" Gasped Qrow. For the first time in his life, he was speechless. Why wasn't he dead yet. Or maybe he already was.

"I don't understand" Croaked Ozpin, who's arm was still bleeding profusely.

"Neither do i…" Mumbled Asshole. She comically scratched her head. "The orbs give the user extreme power. Unless Cinder already possessed another form of extreme power, and i mean _extreme_ power, she would have been able to use the orbs. The human body of a mortal can only handle so much power until it internally combusts."

She bent down and analysed the flaming pit.

In the centre, was the balls. Perfectly polished, and unharmed.

Behind her, Jaune gave a sigh of relief.

Asshole held it up. "You know what, Jean?"

Jaune cleared his throat softly. "Jaune." He corrected politely.

" _Jaune_ , you and your friends saved my life. Without you, they would have killed me."

Pyrrha perked up. "Does this mean…?"

"Yes," Asshole nodded "Your boyfriend gets his soft little man bags back."

Pyrrha did a fist pump, rocking her hips and winking at Jaune.

"Hey?"

Asshole twisted her head to see Yang eyeballing her.

"Yes, Yong?"

"Yang."

" _Yang_. What is it? Oh right." Asshole said brightly, "Your mother!" She nodded smartly.

Blake coughed again in Yang's arms.

"I'll tell you what," The witch hummed. She seemed instantly jubilant, and unlike the rest, was completely unnerved of the death of Cinder. "I'll give you back Mummy when she's ok, and i'll help that cat-girl too!"

Blake normally would have gotten pretty pissed if someone called her 'cat-girl', but enormous loss of blood pacified her.

Ruby stared at the crater. Her mouth hanged open, agape, with eyes open wide.

"Ruby?" Weiss asked her timidly, frightened that the image of a woman blowing up sent her into insanity. She had been standing there, in the same stupefied pose for the last few minutes. "Are you ok?"

"No, no, no, i'm fine." Ruby answered mildly. "I mean its not like a traumatic event will turn me into a serious, grown up who fights Grimm with Jaune, Nora and Ren, and influence me to dress in an awesome, revealing, and borderline sexual costume, splitting a fan community into two."

Weiss smiled anxiously, and led Ruby away.

The plane shot through the air with little resistance.

Its white with baby blue stripes paint job stuck out in the cold and dark weather.

Thunder boomed ahead.

Inside, was the crew. Asshole had kindly supplied them the ship, but would not answer how she acquired it, leading them to assume that she got it under illegal terms.

Ruby looked out of the dirty window. A streak of lightning sliced the grey sky in half.

The city of Vale loomed into view.

Ruby had never seen anything more beautiful.

The grey sky seemed sparkly clean, and full of fluffy clouds.

The murky sea seemed to dance at her, and the waves sang harmoniously.

Vale was a welcome sight, most welcome indeed.

The light oak door swung open and smacked against the wall.

Pyrrha and Jaune tumbled in, each in other's deep hug.

The team JNPR room was messy, and had Nora and Ren's clothes tossed everywhere, which the actual people no where in sight.

Next to Nora's bedside table was her scroll, playing James Brown's 'I feel good'.

Jaune grinned and looked into his girlfriend's eyes. "Looks like we're alone."

She kissed him deeply. "What should we do?"

Jaune simply chuckled and pushed her against his bed. The silky linen sheet embraced her body, and Jaune climbed over her.

He lay his body over hers, and slid his tongue into her mouth. Pyrrha gave a cry of surprise, but giggled and wrapped her legs over his back.

Unexpectedly, Nora's scroll switched song to Tammi Terrell and Marvin Gaye's 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough.'

The heavenly opening notes struck.

"I love that song…" Jaune muttered.

 _Listen baby, ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low…_

"How appropriate!" Pyrrha laughed, stripping off Jaune's shirt.

 _Ain't no river wiiiide enough baby…_

 _If you need me, call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far…_

Jaune stopped kissing, and looked at Pyrrha face. Her smile faltered.

"Is something wrong, Jaune?"

 _Just call my name, i'll be there in a hurry, you don't have to worry…_

All his life, Jaune had been the subject of ridicule, had been teased and deemed a failure.

 _Cause baby, ain't no mountain high enough…_

All his life, he never would have dreamed he would be able to get a girlfriend like the one before him now.

 _Ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough, to keep me from getting to you babe…_

But now…Pyrrha changed that all. She had dropped into his life, and illuminated his soul. She had given him a reason to live, to never give up hope.

 _Remember the day, i set you free, i told you you could always count on me darling, from that day on…_

Pyrrha was an angel to him, his life, his love, his meaning.

"No, nothing's wrong Pyrrha." He smiled. "Let's shag."

 _I made a vow, i'll be there when you want me, someday, somehow…_

And they did, and for the first time in his entire life…Jaune ejaculated.

It was a day he would remember till the end of time.

 _Cause baby there ain't no mountain hight enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wiiiide enough_

 _to keep me from getting to you baby, oh no darling, no wind, no rain, or winter's cold can stop_

 _me baby, no no baby, cause you are my gold, if you're ever in trouble, i'll just sing to me,_

 _oh baby, my love is alive_

 _deep down in my heart_


End file.
